I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My dick has a subreddit
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
