is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
