I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
