He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
