i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
