Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
