speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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