Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
