She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
