i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
