Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
