he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
