i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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