This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
