mondays should just be called national damage control day
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
