Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
