Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
