My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
