I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
