i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
