Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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