So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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