dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
