So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
