my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is Oprah even human
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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