I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
