Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
