I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
