And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
