What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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