oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
