He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
