i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
