don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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