Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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