Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
