I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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