end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
