she smelled like a LAN party
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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