it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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