According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
