Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you inspire me to be a worse person
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
