I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
