I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
