A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
