She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
