Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
