So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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