I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
