Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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