Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
