Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
