quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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