don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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