1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
