im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
